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Landmark and Terrapin Row now require scanning S'well bottle to enter gym



University of Maryland


- satire

Landmark and Terrapin Row now require scanning S'well bottle to enter gym

Kayla Schorr


In the last few years, College Park has seen the development of luxury apartment buildings equipped with state-of-the-art kitchens, bathrooms, furniture, golf simulators, frozen yogurt bars, pools, volleyball courts, washers and dryers, elevators, staircases, and maintenance staff.
One of the major pulls to these apartment buildings is their gyms. Residents in both Terrapin Row and Landmark really do get their bang for their buck. For the bargain of just over $1,000 a month, they get access to opulent gyms that guarantee a pleasing workout experience free of broken machinery.
Recently, complaints have been filed about illegal usage of these gyms, though. Residents have become furious over the number of "poors" who have been entering into, and using their workout space. Senior trust fund baby, Rachel Steinberg, explained to the Rival UMD that she “... didn’t think that the gyms in Landmark were exclusive enough" and that, "The gym should not be a place that just anyone can enter.”
Terrapin Row experienced similar complaints. Developers from both buildings collaborated in hopes to solve this turmoil.
Residents, formerly required to scan their fobs to gain access to the gyms, following the new changes in community opinions, must now scan their S'well bottles to enter said gyms.
“My building is for the elite,” said Landmark owner Bill Upton. “The residents are looking to live among others like them, and by weaning lesser residents off of some amenities, we feel that we may eventually recruit a more exclusive group of residents in following years.”
Upton then announced upcoming plans to limit gym usage to those wearing shirts with Greek letters on them and added that if people don't like his new rules they can "take their poor self and their business to The View, Varisty, or even the Enclave for all [he] cares!"