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An Ode to the ‘Stache in Movember



University of Maryland


- experimental

An Ode to the ‘Stache in Movember

Colin Wick


A senior, he has attempted a mustache every November of college. In the past, his stubble was still very boyish. Some peach fuzz here, a patch of wispy brown hairs there. Looking in the mirror, he would admire his masculinity. Such power and grace, if only it was visible from further than 3 inches away.

“I look like Tom Sellick,” he would think. He did not look like Tom Sellick.

Some say the clothes make the man. For this man, it was the mustache. Yet, come December, he would shave it, equally relieved and ashamed. This year, things are different. His beard is patchy, but last year was a rousing success. Mustaches only get better with age, so certainly this year he will finally have a real caterpillar. Something with some real meat on its bones. A thick cut, red blooded, steak eating, mustache.

Women will swoon. Teachers will curve his grades. His mother will apologize to him. Mere mortal men will avert their eyes in respect. This year is his year. There is no irony, this will be his first legitimate mustache of the 2010’s and it will be macho.

Michelangelo once said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.” There is nuance and grace to the process of forming a mustache. He cannot liberally hack away at his meticulously grown beard until his upper lip is merely furry.


He must craft this work of art. It must taper from the top, hanging just past the edges of my mouth. No other endeavor of human hairscaping takes the same attention to detail as preparing a mustache for its first public appearance. Grooming a lip sweater is a precision effort.

This Movember is his Movember. This is the first mustache of the rest of his life.