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How much complaining is your major entitled to?

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University of Maryland

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- satire

How much complaining is your major entitled to?

Adam Cines

2.12.18

As college students, the only thing we love more than not paying our Venmo debts is complaining about how much work we have. And what’s better than complaining about how much work we have? Complaining about how much more work we have than our friends. Here is a comprehensive list of complaint equity for all majors that you can refer to whenever you feel the need.

The Official College Majors Complaint List:

Majors:
Business: You can’t complain if you don’t even go to class.
Government and Politics: Just like the actual government, there’s not much work done here.
Kinesiology: Your major is almost entirely composed of classes other students take for fun.
Humanities: _________ See that? That’s your job prospects.
Communications: You’re too busy trying to convince people that your degree is meaningful.
Psychology: You’re always overcompensating for something…
Criminal Justice: Your homework is watching Law and Order.
Sociology: Does anyone even know what sociology is?
Letters and Sciences: Why don’t you pick a major before you try and complain about one?
Make your own major: Nobody cares that you major in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Also, the hardest part of your major is explaining your major.

Complaint Score: 0
You are entitled to no complaining. Your major is one of the easiest, and now you’re probably going to complain about how you don’t get to complain. Be quiet and go play B-league intramural kickball or something.


Majors:
Education: Dealing with kids can really suck.
Economics: Exposure to econ and extreme boredom have an exponential relationship. Now graph it.
Public Health: Just about everyone on this campus has an STI... Good luck.
Foreign languages: Just complain in another language so we don’t have to understand it.
Architecture: Half art + half science = medium complaint value.

Complaint Score: 5
You can complain some, but only to majors beneath you. And whenever you complain you must let it be known that at least you aren’t a STEM major because then you’d have no life.


Majors:
All STEM majors

Complaint Score: 9
Ok. Ok. We get it, your major is hard. Your lover is the library and you measure your sleep in minutes. No one else cares, but go ahead and vindicate yourself by experiencing the endorphin-packed rush of complaining.


Majors:
American Studies

Complaint Score: 10
Practicing every day for hours is a hard gig, and having to travel for away games can take up a lot of your studying time. That’s a huge time commitment. Keep up the great work, on and off the field, boys.


If your major was forgotten, or if you feel your major should have been put into a different spot, shut up and stop complaining.