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Ten classic UMD sights you’ll see on campus this spring

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Ten classic UMD sights you’ll see on campus this spring

Edd France

2.15.18

1. McKeldin Library!
If there's one thing every student is guaranteed to see and probably spend a lot of time in this semester is McKeldin. As finals approach, more and more students will flock to the gargantuan library and put a great strain on UMD secure! Get all your studying done early this semester to avoid the rush.


2. Freshmen Skinny dipping in the McKeldin mall fountain.
As the winter fades away and spring truly dawns on Maryland, you can bet that you’ll catch some freshman out late at night taking a dip in the fountain. It’s a silly tradition (and a slightly illegal one) but don’t judge the freshmen too harshly, we were all young once!


3. Testudo!
Of course Testudo, it wouldn’t be an article about UMD without mentioning Testudo, and boy isn’t that little nose going to get shiny with all the good luck rubbing that goes on. If you want to get an A this semester you’ve either got to study really hard, or rub Testudo’s nose and maybe leave a little sacrifice. I know which one I would choose.


4. Douchebags Slacklining.
You don’t get it, nobody does. Do they think they look cool on the Slackline? I mean, it’s just a tightrope except with none of the risk or danger. You’ve thought about trying it, maybe see what all the hype is about, but eventually you always decide not to. Good call.


5. College Basketball!
Now you would be a fool to miss this one! College Basketball. Wow. Look at them go, bouncing that ball along the gym floor, bringing back memories of Mr. Peterson making you run around in your underwear because you forgot to pack your practice clothes. All the other kids laughing at you as you ran, getting sweaty from the exercise and the pressure. GO SPORTS.


6. South Campus Diner.
What a big old building, that serves some of the best On-Campus food possible. But you’ve noticed something strange going on. Remember your lab partner, Johnny? Well he went to eat there one day and never came back. I’m not saying that they kill people and turn them into food, but you are pretty sure you found a button like the one from Johnny’s denim jacket in the soup.


7. Walls.
You ever notice that there are like, so many walls, all over campus. WALLS. Big walls, small walls, walls with doors in, walls with windows in. Some of the walls are nice to touch. Some of the walls are NOT. Do not touch those walls. Haha. Walls! You bet you’re going to see them this Spring oh yeah WallS.


8. The Lizard Person pretending to be Wallace Loh.
You remember Wallace when you were kids, tossing a hoop around in the backyard, then mom would call you in for lemonade and cookies. You would say you know Wallace pretty damned well. That’s why you KNOW that this isn’t the real Wallace. This is a lizard person posing as Wallace. But where is the real Wallace Loh. Where is that young boy you fell in love with?


9. The Hole.
Just behind the admissions office, there it is. A slip of the void. It doesn’t seem to bother anyone but as you stare into it, it stares right back at you.


10. Oh, no...
I looked into the hole again last night. I’m sorry. I think it knows. If you are reading this, don’t come looking for me. I’m taking a trip down there into the darkness. I just have to know what is at the bottom, if there even IS a bottom, to that deep, empty space in the fabric of reality. Maybe that’s where Alex went. Alex baby, if you can hear this, if you are out there, I’m coming to find you.

Someone please tell my parents I love them and to look after my dogs for me. They deserve better than me anyway. Sir Scratchalot should mostly eat dry food but can have raw meat on Sundays. I- I’m getting off topic, I just don’t know how to cope with goodbyes. I love you all, I’m coming to find you Alex, and I’m sorry Sir Scratchalot.