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Deranged freak roommate goes to bed at 11 pm



University of Maryland


- satire

Deranged freak roommate goes to bed at 11 pm

Colin Wick


Hagerstown Hall – 2000 block – Last night around midnight, as some students began the second half of their day, an incident was reported. Reports say that screaming was heard throughout the entire building upon discovery of the incident. Louis Perez, a freshman, was getting home from a late lunch, around 8pm, when he noticed his roommate, Evan Buckley, was acting strangely.

Evan was reportedly brushing his teeth and promptly climbed into bed to read a book. Multiple sources corroborate that Louis was then playing Smash in the common room between 9pm and midnight, before getting started on homework.

Between 12:10 and 12:30 am on Sunday night, Evan was found in deep sleep, suggesting that his body had been there for at least an hour. Campus emergency services opened the case immediately following and ruled the case to be an intentionally induced state. As of press time, Evan has been psychologically evaluated with largely negative results. Given the circumstances, it is likely that Medical Leave will be necessary until he can achieve a more reasonable sleep pattern.

When asked about the behavior of his roommate, Louis responded, “He [Evan] is kind of a weird dude, but I’ve never thought much of it. He just has peculiar tastes, y’no? I didn’t think he was capable of anything so… sick. He’s just sick… I really hope he can get the help he needs and deserves.”