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Newly Single Friend "Never really liked Valentine's Day anyways"



University of Maryland


- satire

Newly Single Friend "Never really liked Valentine's Day anyways"

Grace Chubb


"Valentine's Day was never my thing," said Angela when you were at her place Tuesday the 13th. As she sipped her coffee she exclaimed, "It's just a capitalist scam anyways." As you began to answer her, she suddenly cut you off with a grunt and aggressively pulled down the dozens of heart shaped streamers and banners hanging around her apartment.

This is not the Angela that you knew two weeks ago. Angela's boyfriend of three years broke up with her last week to "lone wolf" it for a bit, but then posted a very heartfelt holiday post today for his new girlfriend. She is "not even upset" though, she informs you via text while frantically trying to plan a girls night.

"I'm just excited to spend some me time on Valentine's Day." Angela says while swiping through tinder. She begins digging through her purse. "I didn't even buy him anything fancy so it's no big deal" she mutters while desperately digging through her purse to find the return receipt for the Rolex watch she bought in January. There's not much you can do for Angela now besides be there for her while she online shops for vibrators.