Swipe left to keep

Kept articles are stored in your profile for you to read later.

Got it!

The March Madness Bracket of GW



George Washington University


- satire

The March Madness Bracket of GW

The Competition That Really Matters


Selection Sunday for College basketball is here, where the 128 best men's and women's basketball programs will be selected to participate in the most famous Hunger Games of college. But, let's be honest GW, there is a competitive bracket that matters far more at this school, where the competition is the fiercest and the players are ruthless. That's right, it is time for the 2018 George Washington Internship Bracket! Now, obviously 128 is too many internships, so we will whittle it down to the "Elite 8". Without further ado, let us introduce that players

1) Hilltern: This East Coast powerhouse has ruled GW's internship gridiron since time immemorial. Will their dominance continue? Or has the diversification of internships in this school finally caught up?

2) Law Internship: Ignoring the charges of obvious nepotism and after years of being called the "rich-family internship", the law firm interns are out to prove they can keep up with anyone

3) Museum Internship: Some players hail from the major Smithsonian's. Some are from minor museums that literally no one has heard of and are somewhat convinced you made up these museums to trick your parents into thinking you have a job. Either way, a strong showing this year

4) Non-Profits: Yes, we get it, you are furthering both your education and the community without selling your soul. Yes, it is very impressive, Yes, you have been talking about it for the past hour. Will these mind-games help you in the tournament? Who knows but it sure isn't fun to listen.

5) Business Internship: Perhaps the most unique contender, as the internship is probably harder than the degree you are working on and actually requires attendance. Still the same amount of group projects though, so maybe the team will triumph over the individual.

6) Foreign Embassy/Foreign Ambassador: Let us be honest, how much of this team is actually foreign? The accomplishments are impressive and this is somehow a version of "experiencing world culture," but if the rest of the teams can go see your office while trick-or-treating impressive is this really?

7) Literally Any History Related Internship: The true surprise story. You have never heard of this historical society, have no recollection of the events that they write about, and in your mind you are making a drinking game out of every foreign dictator from the 1400s that they mention. Talk about your dark horse team.

8) GW Internships: This includes your internships with professors that "have really opened your eyes," working in departments that you are most likely not actually majoring in, were sent to you in a faculty email and you applied as a joke and now you are in too far, and those who really just need work experience. Normally, we all root and cheer for the low-odds candidate, but sometimes, boy you just don't want them to win.

Prediction: This field is a challenge requires so much networking (apparently, no one actually knows anymore) so who will win? Well, this reporter has been covering these teams for four years, and is really glad this is his last time. Why? It is simple, this is the most dull tournament every because the result is guaranteed every single time. Of course the Hillternship wins, there is no real competition. Hillternships are the epitome of bragging rights and we all know this because those who get them will talk about literally nothing else. So, if you are as tired as most about this bracket, watch the real March Madness, since we don't already know who will win.